https://fallows.substack.com/p/ralph-nader-looks-ahead-at-age-90

I'm finding some incredible resources as far as business goes. Finally, I am hearing from and of leaders, that did things well and worked to make a difference. Paul Hawken, Ralph Nader, Gordon Sherman, Ray Anderson, Robert Townsend...

What is it that I am doing right now? My glasses cover my eyes, one of its feet rests roughly on the left side of my nose. I don't very much like them but I've become accustomed. My wrists lay on the laptop, bearing weight. Not gracefully. I imagine my friend, Adi, as I'm writing. All writing has some audience in mind during its creation. I realize that many times the audience I've projected has been myself in the future, a child of mine, or some ambiguous audience. It is good to know who one is speaking to. As I write I forget where I am and drift into a mixture of sights and sounds. My friend's face echoes in this space. I feel responsible, as though communicating is something I am tasked with doing now. I had a moment a few weeks ago in the garden where a grin broke out on my face and I had a deep understanding of my "job" in that moment. It was to write. I think I began to write an essay. I also had a moment of clarity recently where I realized my "job" is business. Months ago, when I was in Austin, I had a moment of insight, that my work was to understand the body and communicate. So as you can see there have been several moments of clear insight that bring me to this moment where I sit writing. Now are those moments causal? Did they set in place dominoes, or were they merely a recognition of what I am already doing? I'll put causation on hold, because time is quite the concept. Actually, I'll dive into it for a moment. I recall sitting in the art studio, Andrews Hall at William and Mary. Professor Gaynes was in his office to my left, and I stared at the table in front of me. This is while I was building my generator. To create a voltage, magnets had to move relative to the copper coil "pickups". The whole project was a question of time and space. If still, there is no voltage, it was only through movement, a change in position that some effect registered. Time and space were no longer different. It was all one: change. If something could be percieved to move, to alter in any way, then a concept of time could evolve. Sound, I realized, was only an expression of change, of time. Well how does all this space-time talk tie into now? When I left and spent time more closely studying my of movement, my body. I realized that the same principles applied. The body is movement, it is change. And there are of course many levels of change to percieve, but space and time were here, present always in the perception of my own body. But could the body be still? Could the body be still. Could the mind be still. Ah what for? United in action

I've been having trouble with writing. I've become so comfortable thinking in words, writing and speaking them, but what is it I am doing right now?

There is a feeling I can only describe as love that comes from a deep knowledge of some other. When faced with an other, I have a reflex to categorize, quantify and observe with the utmost attention. There is utility in such a state, but it is only when I stay present and grasp the whole in all its detail that I feel love. This is the state of intuitive knowledge that I strive for in every aspect of my life.

I've been sleeping late and waking up for the past few weeks. Since I got here. Early only on the days I've got yoga class and then often going back to sleep. I skipped class yesterday and today in fact. I've had time to think the past couple of nights. Quite productive sessions with some insight into the situation: Been operating it seems with the idea of energy as a storehouse. Energy being daily motivation, the desire to go do and a general level of alertness.

A wooden silo, roughly 30 or 40 feet tall. For some reason its up on stilts and the wood panels of the roof have shifted with time, allowing soft light to filter in. There are grains of what I assume to be rice piled up underneath my feet. Now there are only two operations. I shovel the rice out of a panel to my right. On occasion, a hatch in the roof opens up and grains pour in, piling up in the center and easing outwards. In this way I've been going on.

wake up groggy, eat, then want to sleep again. Its an effort to do the most basic, normally pleasurable things. Some chai props me up for a bit but does nothing to fundamentally replenish my stores. Then night comes and I'm stuck. Frustration and shame build. I can't seem to sleep. I can't __X__ and so the thoughts go on.

we introduce the Energy Conduit Model. Instead of viewing the body, myself as a storehouse of energy, the body is a conduit for something we call energy that exists neither here nor there. It is some fundamental illuminary essence that hopes to flow through me but when faced with roadblocks, struggles and halts, perhaps seeping by. In this model, the operations are no longer of addition and subtraction. We aren't coming from lack.

There is unbounded energy. We must act on the body and with the body. Let muscle, bone and tissue of all sorts move as it is intended with an awareness of their relation to each other and the fundamental pull of the void beneath. Then there is space. Soft space. Flowing, illuminating and glowing from within everything. The body acts on its own, the mind-as usually percieved to be-is small and right here in front of me. A dance. Play

Chasing one another, Never landing on the same ledge, trying to it seems. They look the same so I can't tell who is chasing who. If its a game maybe they're taking turns, but its been going on for the past 30 minutes, perhaps its more serious. Sex? I'm not too sure how pigeons go about it. Perhaps once a ritual of flattery, now reduced to a game of cat and mouse at the high ceiling of Telangana's oldest library. No one else seems to notice them.

I expected more people. I expected more muslims. One girl has been diligently taking notes, a large textbook on the table in front of her. That makes sense. From everything I've seen and heard so far, studying, getting good marks, a good college and then a respectable profession add up to success. Yet most everyone else at the library was asleep or on their way there. To be fair, I took a nap too. By the window in the telugu section. The mosquitos got my big toe.

We were all drinking chai. I'm on the cushy browncouch with my laptop on my thighs. My grandma on the smaller couch perpendicular. This was my third cup-I blamed the mosquito that kept me up last night and shed some guilt. Anyways, it paired well with the computer work I was doing. The whole house was suddenly calm. I've been sleeping in til noon so this morning teatime ritual was new to me. I look up from my laptop, seated across from me is Rajitha. I've been having trouble around her, she only speaks Telugu and is the house help. I never really know what to say to her. Its a dynamic I've not fully settled into. She cleans my room, washes my clothes and does much more. I'm also bit embarassed by my Telugu, I'll speak but it feels like pulling elastic thread out of a sock. The first thing I notice is that she's on the stairs, not a chair like us. The second is the cup she's using, a steel one, while my grandma and I drink from the usual ceramic set. I look at her face and after a second she looks right back. Its a bit awkward, we both don't really know how to be around each other. She smiles and sort of laughs and so do I and we both look away. My grandma looks at me and asks why I'm smiling so much, I try to explain that I'm just looking around and saw Rajitha and now I'm smiling, but its hard to convey the emotion. It was a moment of confusion and connection, of innocence and shame.

This is my first note. This site should be live as of 15:02. My domain name site is propogating my ip to the name servers right now. That sounded really nerdy and I'm thriled. I'm tired. I want to eat a laddu, and I intend to do so after typing this and confirming I can reach my site. Fuck. Just tried to swat a mosquito that's been after me for an hour. Missed it and now its disappeared.